No going back...

"We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy;that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker। These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile upon them and become astonishingly difficult to solve।"~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Doctor's Opinion, pg. xxviii~

AA's Big Book has so many profound writings that can be applied to any addiction. During the last few years of my alcoholism there was no way I could stop drinking for any length of time once I got started, I couldn't wait for the opportunity to keep any kind of buzz going. I finally ended up planning my WHOLE day around drinking and drugging until I passed out into oblivion. I can't imagine getting myself back into that lifestyle again at any level. If I start again, I will surely die.